Here and There

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His 59th birthday was in a week. It was just a stray thought that quickly left his mind, as the pile of papers on his desk and the continuous soft beeping of his emails arriving on his phone, signaled that yet another day had begun.

Although he had studied law, for many years his current position in this small firm was to give happy endings to negotiations, deal with people and read their minds; then steer their minds into the desired direction. Miles was clever and easy to adapt to situations. He liked the diversity of his job and he liked the cash flow. Most of all, he liked the acknowledgment he received from men and women of all ages. Rejuvenating.

Miles didn’t have a hard exterior; in fact he was a sweet, blue eyed guy that everyone liked. That is the contradiction that made him so successful. He enjoyed life to a reasonable extent and could indeed tame his feelings when needed. This was a long time struggle to get him to tackle both his job as well as his personal matters.

Ah, his personal matters. As he was growing his strength in life, he felt he had held behind parts of his soul and his heart. Some years ago, maybe close to a decade, he decided to let himself indulge into his sensual side more; just as long as it didn’t interfere with his steady, married life with his wife of almost thirty years and, of course, his job.

During small breaks of his precious time, he talked to his partners in firm, jokingly at first, openly afterwards. It was them who introduced him to a world Miles didn’t know existed.

It was that period of time when he did what he always did best: use his brain. He signed up in forums, where people shared their inner sexual wishes, many searching for a partner to grant them.

Miles was excited at first; spent a lot of time chatting and found new ways to excite hisself more. Unluckily for his dear wife, this knowledge was never taken to their bedroom; in fact their encounters were more and more less frequent as he was more and more into chatting.

A couple of times he took the big step to go on a date with one of them; he was also blessed with the chance to travel for a couple of days in a row, closing cases. All was thrilling; not fulfilling, but thrilling. Miles was a man of mind, of intellect, he wanted to pair a luscious body to a sparkling mind to feel like flying. He was enough grounded to earth to know that he didn’t have many chances finding what he missed in his life, so he settled for the easy part, the luscious body.

OK, life was bearable, good at times.

It was more than six months ago that he bumped into Val. It was just as he was getting tired of saying all the same things to different receivers, same use of adjectives for complimenting on breasts, same questions answered and same sexual scenes described.

He wanted to erase his account altogether when he saw a thread, asking if there were men out there who ‘could love a hard person hard enough.’ It had a lighter add on that took the edge off of the quote, but still, something twisted inside Miles, something stirred in his brain cells that was asleep for years. He did what he hadn’t done in weeks; he replied. He had a way with words. In fact he was too confident of his selection of words, that he felt proud when he sent his reply.

Miles found himself checking his inbox more often than regular, anticipating the answer. He cursed inside his head and vowed to delete the account when he had a free, relaxed moment at home this very evening, sipping something, anything.

Before evening arrived, though, the red sign blinked once. An answer. An answer, unlike what he had expected, an answer subtly criticizing him, his writing, his opinions and, again, taking the edge off with an ironic joke. He didn’t want to crack that smile, but he had to. He didn’t realize he was smiling the whole time he replied, writing feverishly. How could she?

That ping pong of answers lasted a couple of days, in which Miles had permitted a small, a very small part of his ear to be dedicated to the beeping of the incoming mails. He thought that it was a sensual play, the other side escort ataşehir of the coin he was used to. Until Val broke. Val, the unidentified girl at the other end, Val from Valerie, Vali as Miles teased her. She had a mood swing which let her let down all her guards, quit the tough play and ask for advice.

Miles was startled. He could easily play her while she was all arrogant in her thirty-four years, but now, a vulnerable girl asking for emotional support; that was bordering friendship, a kind of relationship he had long given up, making sure he was safe without friends. Friends had ruined his marriage, anyway. And him, letting them in. No, no friends.

What would he do? Delete Val’s mail and move on to the next online girl or answer one last time. He decided on one last time. He was tired, exhausted and this was making him smile, even for moments in time. So, yes, he replied.

So Miles and Vali became friends. He found out she was living up north while he was south. He found out her favorite breakfast and got used to her mood swings. He got used to her way of talking to him, the words she brought up from a place he thought he would never recover them from; sweet words that felt like an actual touch on him.

Then, they exchanged pictures. Miles hadn’t gone into sexual role playing with her, just into heavily erotic hints, always in and out of the sexual field.

Miles was found in a situation where he couldn’t express his admiration of her body the way he wanted; it had to be gentle to appeal to her shyness and rough to hit the target, ‘Hey, I would love to show you how I like your body!’

There were times he intentionally didn’t reply to her for days at which time Val either sent him half a dozen messages in no time or kept as quiet as him.

Both never realizing that this mind game was dangerous.

Val understood him and tried to tame her overwhelming fondness of him, but she wasn’t as disciplined as he was. She let scenarios of impossible life twists enter her mind in the most inappropriate moments, like when she was out with friends and suddenly was looking out of the window smiling or when she was at the groceries staring at the same product for over five minutes; and still, couldn’t describe what the box looked like!

Val always did what others expected or forced her to do; go out to that restaurant instead of the other, have a cup of ice cream instead of a cone, have her hair shorter than longer, marry at a young age.

Yes, marry.

Val had long, dark auburn hair and a pale skin to match. She was polite and easy going for anyone who could endure her bursts of impatience and her tendency to joke when she was silent for too long. A small price to pay, really, for a gracious girl who seemed loyal and giving.

Val wanted to be free to explore her other side, her Lilith who was kept quiet under a spell. And Miles broke that spell so Val now wanted to be Vali and be left alone to travel to her own life. Her. Own. Life.

Same time zone, miles apart. Up north, warm south.

Life has a way of making long cocktail drinks when it is bored. So…

Val was offered a job as a kindergarten teacher that was in the exact city Miles was living. Val’s husband was going through a professionally transformation period himself, secure of her and her love, sure of his own love but lacking the effort and the time to show her. As a matter of fact, all his frustration was falling like buckets full of water on her shoulders, she was to blame always. All quarrels ended up with Val saying she was sorry and him holding her, regretting it all; until another circle begun.

Val accepted the offer. It was more like embracing a sign.

Mid-September and Vali settled in a hotel room until she could find a place, if the job would be confirmed. All her life was in that suitcase so she was ok wherever she would stay. A hotel was fine.

Next day was going to be rainy but also hot. Val wasn’t used to that humid, Southern weather so she wore her jean shorts and a long white, airy and romantic blouse, got her backpack and decided to kadıköy escort grab her free day. She would drop in to say ‘hi’. To Miles. Oh, she hadn’t informed him of her sudden change in life plans. They were on that no-frequent-speaking-terms, imposed by Miles, of course. She hadn’t broken that sequence.

His secretary was Miles’s first wall of defense to pass through, strict and professional and rigid and judging. Val’s appearance gave Mrs. Reeves a shock. Jean shorts and backpack in a respectable office! They were lucky there weren’t any clients waiting!

“And your name Miss is…”

“Vali. Vali Olson. Mr. Wright knows me.”

Yeah, I wonder from where. Without hiding her resentfulness Mrs. Reeves knocked on Miles’s door and said “A Miss Olson, Vali, is here… Asking for you. I don’t have her as an appointment. What do you want me to do?”

Miles stood speechless. His mind dealt with Mrs. Reeves first, letting her know that, indeed, he didn’t have an appointment with Miss Olsen, taking care not to correct ‘Miss’, and that she could take her number and let her go. He looked casual and his answer was to her liking. Miles was flat on his chair, thinking of the appearance of Val, Vali. He was lucky to face a serious case in front of him, so he occupied his brain fully, taking Vali and her naked pictures out of his mind and promising to deal with her later.

Val didn’t leave a number, much to Mrs. Reeves’ joy, and accepted her dismissal smiling. Only when she got out of the building she let herself take small steps and breathe quickly in and out, holding back her tears.

Miles didn’t keep his promise. He stood by his window and, just for a moment, by his twelfth floor office, he caught a glimpse of a young girl, walking reluctantly among hasty moving pedestrians. A girl that looked easily ten years younger than her age. And he was about to celebrate his sixtieth. And he didn’t answer her mails deliberately. And he let her go. Just now.

Val knew what she was about to face when she wanted to change her life to suit herself, she knew she couldn’t force life to her liking. She accepted this heartbreak but didn’t look back to her old life.

The next day she wore her happy self face and met the kids and her boss at the kindergarten. Cool. All was different but that was what she wanted, right? She decided to make those kids her first friends here. Maybe her best. Both she and the kids had a delightful day. And a next.

By Thursday she had an evening invitation for Friday night that she had to attend. Boring. She needed badly to mend her mind and stay in with a hot cup of tea. But she had to accept it. Instead of looking for an apartment, she had to find a dress, make her hair and put on makeup. Oh, and find some high heels, too. Boring.

The night was about small town businesses that were blooming, helping them find sponsors to keep them going up. Val’s feet were aching from the first steps she took in her strapped heels and the long, black dress didn’t make it any easier. Her hair had lost their natural curls and fell sleek and shiny on her shoulders. She had no idea how refreshingly different she looked with minimal make up and the absence of jewelry. After all, she was nobody. Miles didn’t even bother with her, after all those talks they had and some steamy exchange of mails.

But, inevitable things are bound to happen.

As much as Val kept herself in the shadows, her boss, a vivacious woman who knew almost everybody, touched her shoulder lightly, introducing her to Mr. Wright and his wife, a prominent member, blah blah blah. Val didn’t even raise her hand, she kept like a fool looking at him, at his wife, her sparkling diamond necklace and absorbing his voice while he muttered ‘nice to meet you.’ Yeah, right.

Val’s face flushed; she was so lucky her boss pushed her lightly over to the next crowd of people to introduce her to.

Miles was quickly regaining himself but he was not a superhuman. His partner, both in the firm as in other activities, like ‘men having good time’ activities, saw him, caught this moment of weakness. maltepe escort bayan

“Miles, don’t mess with your circle. I can get you one like her in less than an hour.”

He was right. He could. Miles was surprised his expression was that obvious.

Val had lost her cheerful self and decided it was time to slip away and hide herself in her blanket. Like she’s always done.

She waited for a taxi while heavy raindrops started to land on her bare shoulders. Her hair was forming curls again and her eyes were betraying her coolness. A strong hold of her waist made her turn. Miles.

“Vali, I wasn’t expecting any of this… I…”

“It’s OK, Miles, really. I wasn’t stalking you or anything… Just was thrilled to be offered a job here, at the city we had been talking so…” Much about in our mails, she was about to say, but stopped. She looked down at her strapped shoes. “It’s OK Miles” she repeated with a new found courage. Her sweet self prevailed. It came natural, especially with Miles. Her Miles.

He looked into her eyes. A big struggle was taking place in him for months now. He would resist. He had to.

Miles went inside and asked his partner to find him that girl. For tomorrow.

Val sat up awake that night. She felt her mascara smear on her face but just sank in the hard decisions she still had to make, as if those already made weren’t enough.

When Saturday was up in full glory, she washed her face to her usual self and called her boss. As politely as she could she asked if they had a branch in another city. The climate wasn’t doing her any good, heat and humidity for a Chicago girl…She understood. She would give her good references and was sorry she couldn’t immediately provide her with a job.

That settled, she booked her tickets for Connecticut, just out of a gut feeling, for the next day. Sunday. On his birthday. Well, her gut feelings weren’t reliable lately, but she didn’t have anything else to rely on. She was taking the big step.

She laid on her bed with a big smile. That smile took so long to come but it was nice to see it on her face again.

She took a final walk around the city, his city, the city she had fallen for before she even landed, a week ago.


Light but firm.


She woke up.

She checked the time on her phone.

12:30 a.m.

She dropped her phone. Oh, no, not again!

Miles was at her door.

Looked like Miles, but inside he was swimming in his own waters of self exploration.

“Damn you Vali. I was so good before you answered my mail.”

Her sleepy voice was startled. “Miles, nice to see you, too.”

He pushed her in. For the first time he didn’t use words as a weapon. He knew her face, he knew her tastes, he knew how her breasts were and he knew what it took to change her mood. He didn’t know how she smelled or how soft her skin was. He didn’t know how she’d touch him or how her breath would become. He didn’t know what she’d call him or how she’d kiss him. He had to clear that. Now. Before his birthday.

Miles touched the small of her back and pressed her into him. From that moment on, she surrendered to him.

He didn’t try to impress her, he just touched and went on. Exploring. This wasn’t a fuck, this wasn’t even lovemaking. This was only about making her his. See how it felt to have your own after many years of having everyone and no one.

She didn’t resist. Val, Vali followed him and reacted to anything he silently proposed.

She just constantly whispered his name, his name wrapped in other sweet words, but nevertheless his name. Meaning every breath of it.

She came at the one moment he let himself call her by the name he had chosen for her.

He came later, the moment he tricked himself that this could go on again, tomorrow. He came with a whole body shaking orgasm, hell, a whole life shaking concept.

“Um… My flight leaves in three hours, Miles.” She whispered.

He held her close, too close for a normal breathing, but she was fine, she could live without oxygen forever in his arms. He knew she did the right move. He knew whatever girl he would have, although like her, wouldn’t be her. He knew this wasn’t enough to make him happy.

Then again, life changing thoughts are for birthday boys.

And he still had some hours before his own expired.

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