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I was in physical pain. You would think I hadn’t done this sort of thing before. I cowered in bed for hours waiting for Devin to come home. He would be drunk. If they had gone to a strip club he would be horny and he would fuck me. It wasn’t rape. It was my duty. I could only hope he was so drunk he couldn’t tell I had slept with another man only hours ago. I thought I was going to throw up from the stress of it all. This wasn’t the first time. I had been with other men before. God, if Devin knew I couldn’t imagine what he would do. He could be violent. He had never been violent with me before. He had caught me once, not having sex but I was in another man’s arms. He had punched the car window and broken his hand. It was only by chance that he had shown up in front of the bar before I had gotten the man’s pants off. I had been tempting the hapless insurance adjuster all night with the prospect of a blow job, Devin had just barely arrived in time. I heard the front door slam and laid breathlessly waiting.
He was drunk. He stumbled through the bedroom door. His shirt was already open. I struggled to get his shoes off. I knew what was coming and sat up. I pulled my favorite chemise off before he had an opportunity to wreck it. He talked to me but fuck if I could tell what he said. I laid back and prepared for it.
His attempt was clumsy and unsuccessful. He blamed me. I was getting too fat to turn him on. It made me angry but I let it go, arguing with him when he was like this was pointless. I didn’t move I just let him collapse beside me and pass out. I gave it a minute. I wanted him to be past the point of being able to wake up. I tried to be silent as I slipped out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. An hour before, Scott, my new lover, my old crush, had showed up at my house smelling of cigarettes and now I wanted one. I typed different messages into my phone deleting each one. Finally I settled on telling him I loved him. It was silly, stupid, and premature. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. I loved them all. Each and every man I slept with. Shit, I loved the ones I never got the chance to sleep with too. My sister, the only one who truly knew what a slut I was said I just told myself I loved them so that I didn’t have to admit that I was just using them. I thought of my sister and sent a second message to him asking him to ignore the first.
Ever since my friend Tracey had told me who her daughter’s boyfriend’s father was I had obsessed over him. As kids, Scott never seemed to have any sort of interest in me. I was a gawky awkward girl. I knew Tracey and knew that if I expressed an interest she would make it happen. She was devious. She thrived on drama. She wanted life to be like the Spanish soap operas she was addicted to. It took her all of three days. The minute I saw him I decided I wanted him.
Just like when we were kids he seemed frustratingly distant despite my best moves. He had forced me to chase after him and still, even having forced my card into his hand I didn’t think he would call. Maybe Devin was right. I was getting old. I was getting heavy. It wasn’t going to be as easy as it used to be.
I was stunned when he arrived at my door.
Then he kissed me.
Yes, I have cheated before. As penance for my sins I keep a detailed record of my indiscretions. No, it’s not written down anywhere but I can name each and every one of them and how far it went. There were three men with whom I carried on inappropriate relationships online. I have had three one-night things. I have had two relationships that were purely casual and I had one affair turn serious. I actually had let it go on to the point where he wanted me forever onward, to have and to hold from this day forth. He wanted my kids. He wanted to tell Devin and wanted to whisk me away with him to live happily ever after. It broke my heart to tell him that wasn’t how it worked.
This was different and it was different because of the way that he kissed me. Almost from the moment our lips met I knew I was in over my head. He kissed me neither too hard nor too delicately. He didn’t drool when we kissed but his mouth wasn’t dry. He knew how to touch me as we kissed. Fuck, he wasn’t too eager but knew how to tease my body to the point I was putty in his fingers.
Picking me up was a nice touch.
I don’t know how he knew to be firm with my nipples. He didn’t even hesitate he just did it. Where did he get that kind of confidence? He did it at the very moment I couldn’t do a damn thing about it, my son poking around the house to sneak his stash of pot out from under his bed.
Maybe I did love this one.
I didn’t sleep all night. I sat on the sofa watching old movies. I loved black and white movies. I had never realized Cary Grant and Marilyn Monroe had made a film together. It was my new favorite. As the sun came up I knew I had to see him again I just didn’t know how.
I was afraid to send him another text. Did he know how to properly hide them from his wife? Men were foolish with pendik escort these things. I had seen them fuck up too many times. When I finally put on coffee I sent him a calendar invitation. I had his work email rather than any sort of home address and I didn’t want to send anything that might get him in trouble. I was just a realtor trying to sell a house. I sent these sorts of calendar invitations all the time. It gave a time and a place. I probably wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing to him at an open house but I would get to see him.
Secretly I hoped that would be enough. He would be in some way unappealing and I could record him in the list of one-night stands. He would go to the top of that list but at least I wouldn’t worry about it anymore.
The morning passed so slowly it was painful. I drank the whole pot of coffee before my son woke up. I made him eggs and bacon. When it was finally late enough I could run the shower without risking a temper tantrum from Devin I slipped past him to the bathroom.
I felt lazy and pulled my hair back instead of drying it. I stood naked at the mirror applying my makeup. Normally I am too self-conscious to spend that long looking at my flab, my scars, and my stretch marks but I was thinking about Scott and the hour we had spent in my daughter’s bed. I was letting anticipation get the better of me.
I pulled on my skinniest jeans, the days when realtors sat for hours on a Saturday dressed like bankers were well behind us and Jeans were acceptable. I tore violently through my closet. I knew the top I wanted and I wasn’t going to settle for any less.
I had bought it in New York on a shopping trip with my sister. It was a backless black shirt. It was a dirty trick to play on him. If he actually showed up I knew he would notice. There was no way to wear a bra with it. Men could be so easy. Genetics made them naturally susceptible to breasts and even gay men found naturally swaying breasts hard to resist.
I found it and pulled it on. Devin had never seen it. He didn’t need to see it now. I pulled on a lightweight jacket in case he happened to stir and watch me leave. I slipped out of the bedroom as quietly as I could.
I was at the home when I gave in and checked my email. I deleted all the crap I had gotten over the night, all of the ads and spam that filled my inbox. All I had been looking for was the email telling me he accepted the invitation and I didn’t have it.
I placed a sign in the yard but selfishly neglected to put any up on the streets that led into the neighborhood. I had this idea of how it would go. We would sit and talk and drink the bottles of water I set out until the hours I had posted for the open house were over and then I would attack him and see if last night was real or a fluke brought about by three beers and two oversized glasses of vodka and soda.
I watched the clock.
The next-door neighbors stepped in to see the house. They had the same floor plan. They wanted me to show them around and I tried not to reveal my contempt for them and how they were wasting my time.
I showed the house twice to realtors and once to a nice Asian couple who seemed interested but wouldn’t sign the registry. It pissed me off. I was a little hung over and I got angry quickly.
It passed noon and then one without a visitor, sexual conquest or otherwise.
I drank yet another bottle of water and peed for the sixth time of the day. At least I got my daily intake of water in. I ate every one of the damn cookies.
At two I didn’t want to admit I’d been stood up and gave it a few more minutes.
At two thirty I folded my table and chair and carried them to the back of my van. I didn’t even notice him at first standing across the street leaning on the hood of his car. It was a nice damn car. From my side of the street I thrust out a hip and gave him a look.
“You were supposed to come look at the house.”
“I don’t want to buy a house.” He looked good. He wore Jeans and a T-shirt just as he had last night but this one was gray not black. He had on flip-flops rather than being bare foot. “Do you want to get a drink?” he asked.
“I can’t now.” I lied
“Some other time then,” he said. I think he sounded disappointed but I couldn’t tell. He opened his car door as if to leave.
“Are you coming in?” I asked. I couldn’t believe I said it.
He closed his car door and began to walk across the street. I moved ahead of him and went to the door. He was right behind me as I went inside.
“I expected you earlier.” I told him. He turned and latched the door. My heart raced.
“I didn’t want to bother you while you were working.”
“You wouldn’t have bothered me.” I said, trying to be flirty. He wasn’t smiling anymore he was staring me down. He noticed my tits just as I had expected he would and it wasn’t a smile really, it was more insidious. It was an evil sort of a grin. I backed away from him as he tuzla escort approached me. He moved slowly and I kept backing up until I was trapped up against a half wall that divided the dining room from the living room.
“You look spectacular.” He almost growled at me. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He eyed my neck and I thought of those vampire movies from the eighties.
“Thank you.” I mumbled.
“Take it off,” he said.
“All of it.” As if I needed some sort of guidance he pulled his T-shirt off. I hadn’t gotten to see him the night before. It was dark in Trish’s bedroom. His chest was hairier than I remembered but also more defined. He didn’t really have abs, not like the trainer I had fucked, but he didn’t have a belly either. I didn’t move. His instruction was plain enough but I couldn’t help but see what the consequences were of ignoring it. He was barefoot again and I was nearly as tall as he was when he closed the space in between us. I was going to see if the kiss had had been a fluke as well.
“No.” I told him but smiled to let him know I was playing. I’m embarrassed to admit I closed my eyes and tilted my head expecting his lips. Instead I felt his hand on my calf. When I opened my eyes he was kneeling at my feet. I watched him. He was deliberate in his motions. He unbuckled my wedge and set it beside me. I shrank visibly when he placed my bare foot on the floor and lifted my other ankle. He removed my other shoe and ran his finger firmly across the arch of my foot and it nearly made my leg buckle.
He stood again and although I still wanted his kiss I didn’t expect it. I expected him to tug at my top next but he didn’t. We locked eyes as he opened my jeans. I resolved not to move but I think my paralysis simply played into the game he was playing. He tugged my jeans off my ass. I didn’t help him, I made him do it. He forced them off my hips and down my legs. Only when he kneeled and lifted my feet one at a time did I raise them stepping free of my pants.
Still no kiss. He was a fucker. He gripped my tit in his right hand grasping it like a vice through the thin material. Somehow he worked it in his palm until he could squeeze it and pinch my nipple simultaneously. He knew. Somehow the fucker knew. I didn’t have to be silent today and I moaned.
He released me and then did the same thing on the other side. I moaned again.
“Take it off.” He said again. This time, excitedly, I complied. I was naked in the full light of day in the middle of an empty house. It was the type of thing that happened in my nightmares. “Now show me. Show me how to play with them so that I get it right.”
God he was good. It was the hottest fucking thing he could have asked me to do at that moment. I closed my eyes. I showed him. I pinched and twisted. I showed him how to do it. I pulled at my nipples, stretching my tits as far out as I could. I wanted to touch myself down there too. It was what I did when I was alone, when I was secreted away in the tub by myself. One nipple in one hand, the other working my clit. I wanted to show him that too. I didn’t know if it was allowed. It didn’t matter. He didn’t give me time. He was on his knees in front of me. I didn’t let go of my tits, he hadn’t told me to yet. He lifted my leg and I felt the cool air on myself. He placed my leg over his shoulder. Fuck if he wasn’t going to lick me right there. Right out in the open like that.
“Oh fuck!” I muttered when his mouth was on me. I nearly collapsed but a firm hand on my ass held me against the wall. If I didn’t stop with my tits I was going to come. “Oh… FUCK!” I said. I was off the ground, the one leg I had been standing on gave way and he had held me in place against the wall with his hands clamped firmly to my thighs just above my knees. It split me open almost painfully, my own weight forcing me open. I wasn’t able to make words anymore I just made sounds. They were almost sobs. No, they were sobs, I was sobbing no differently than I did when I cried. I pinched my own nipples till it hurt as his tongue worked over my clit and when I came it was almost painful my cunt releasing like I had shot a load of my own. Looking down I was astonished to see that I had cum all over him – lady cum. Fuck, that had only happened once.
“Stop.” I said.
“Please?!” I was begging.
“No!” He pushed me up and I found myself sitting on the ledge. I had to let go of my tits to hold on or I would have rolled backwards off the wall. I tried to close my legs but his head was in the way and his tongue wouldn’t stop.
“Oh fuck.” I muttered again. Then “Oh Fuck!” louder when his finger entered my pussy. “Oh Fuck.” I opened wider for him. “Yes. Like that!” I begged. I was going to come again. He teased me expertly. He knew not to just jab it in there but he worked it delicately in and out just barely inside of me. “Oh! Fuck! You! Dick!”
I felt another finger. It ataşehir escort was on my ass. I risked falling from the wall to place a hand on the back of his head. “Do it.” I growled. I spread my legs for him. “Do it!” I said again. He did. He fucking stuck it in there. One finger in each hole like he had read some secret instruction manual I had left somewhere. “Oh do it! Oh do it!” He was killing me. Struggling for my balance meant I couldn’t just let it hit me and he was using it to torture me. “Just fuck me, GOD DAMN IT! Finish me!”
“Fine.” He seemed to snarl at me and yanked me to the floor. Spread wide and dripping I was forced to look up at him. He teased me taking off his Jeans more slowly than he needed to.
“Come here,” I begged.
It was only when he was on top of me that he finally kissed me. I don’t kiss a man when he has just gone down on me. At least I avoid it normally. He wasn’t going to let me avoid it. He held my hands over my head as he thrust his angry cock into me. It was furious and filthy and I kissed desperately licking at his chin, tasting myself and my orgasm hit with a rolling ongoing wave like surf against the rocks and I did my best to hold my hips up so he could get deeper into me. He was thick between my legs. I moaned and he pressed his mouth to me and fucked my mouth with his tongue and I felt him filling me, hot wet loads of cum burst inside of me and I felt his cock slipping in and out and I wanted it. I wanted his sloppy fucking cock because I thought he would want me to. It was that kind of a fuck.
“Roll over.” I growled. He let loose my arms and rolled over onto his back. He was still half hard and I took him into my mouth. He moaned. I licked and sucked until I found the spot that made him moan loudest. He struggled against me and now I moaned just because I could and squeezed his balls the way he squeezed my tits and now it was his turn to writhe about on the floor. His dick was getting harder and I felt it in the back of my throat.
More! What more could I do to him? I’d never done that before. Never. But I had already squirted, that was something new and different. I had already broken my rule about kissing after… you know. Now I had a cock in my mouth that tasted like cum and pussy. What the fuck, I thought. Why not?
He actually cried out when I stuck my finger in his ass. I guess I should have found lube or something first. It was too late now. It was in there. I sucked his cock like I wanted it to fall off. He came in my mouth. That was something I didn’t normally do either. God it was salty.
He didn’t stop he just pushed me across the floor of the living room to the base of the stairs where he took me from behind, my pony tail held firmly in his grip. I loved it. I loved the smell of sex on me. I loved the way I was pressed awkwardly agains the steps, the way my head was pulled back, the way my tits still felt the torture he had made me inflict on them. I loved the filthy nastiness of my dripping wet cunt. It was his cunt today. He had taken it by force. I came again.
I rolled over when he pulled out of me. He wasn’t talking – he got dressed again. I just sat there. Very intentionally I sat there on the ground looking up at him with my legs spread. I wanted him to take pride in what he had done. God, I am fucked up. When he was dressed he unlatched the door and left.
I gave him a minute to come back. I would have given him longer but I had watched him leave and I knew the door was unlocked. I gathered up my shit and ran to the bathroom.
I thought I should have been crying. I felt like it would have been appropriate but I didn’t want to. I put myself back together but didn’t put my shoes on. I just carried them to the car. I was sitting in my truck when my phone rang. It was odd timing and I had a moment of terror before I reached to answer it. Devin knew exactly where I was and could have come looking for me at any time. When I finally got it out of my purse I smiled at Scotts name displayed on the screen.
“Hello.” I tried to sound cool.
“Hey.” He said. “Are you okay?”
“I guess.” I gave it a moment before going on. “I’ve never had someone just fuck me like that and walk out.”
“I’ve never done anything like that.”
“Honestly. Seriously. Are you okay? Was it good, was it at least all right?”
I had to smile. He could fuck like an asshole but he had to grovel after. “Yes. I liked it. But you offered me a drink.”
“The offer is still on the table.”
“Where’d you go?”
“Right here,” he said and I saw the black car pull up behind me. “Is there still that bowling alley over there. Is it still open.”
“I think so. Who just goes to a bowling alley for a drink?” I asked.
“I’ll follow you.” I told him.
We sat in what should have been a smoky bar. It would have been better if it still smelled of ashtrays. Now it felt more like a school cafeteria with cheap sturdy tables and iron chairs. We drank Pabst Blue Ribbon out of pitchers and we drank two of them. We talked about our kids and our jobs and how we were both pretty good at what we did but hated every minute of it. We talked about family vacations and bonded over the little beach city we both frequented in August. Again we wondered how we had never run into each other before.
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